BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

I love Santi, she was my rider, my girl, and the mother of our beautiful daughter. Our relationship made sense; We looked good together. Santi was 5'5 with brown eyes, and a pecan color skin complexion. She always wore her hair natural. Santi's dark soft textured curls, laid freely down her back, stopping near her elbows. Her pearly white smile made everyone melt, and her laugh made me feel warm inside. Santi's coke bottle shape was hypnotizing, as she effortlessly glided across any room. In everyone’s eyes we were the perfect family. I had everything I always wanted, yet nothing I always desired.

I saw my life so differently when I was younger. Basketball was my only option, and I had the heart to go all the way. My knee injury came out of no where, like a brick wall in the middle of the fast lane. Facing obstacles was something I was prepared for, but a long term injury mentally destroyed me! I allowed this problem to eat away at my dream, until it was wiped clean off my plate, and removed from the table. No option at all, became my reality. Getting up early every morning, to make decent money to bring home felt good, but it wasn’t enough. Something was missing, and the only thing helping me feel like a king were all these women. Yeah, I creep. I dip and then I double dip, with very little hesitation. I’m a man, I need a different flavor from time to time. As much as that doesn’t sound like an excuse, I can’t fight it. I’m weak for a pretty face and curves and if she can keep a secret, I can feed my insecurities filled with broken dreams.

I text Nina at 1:30 am drunk as shit hoping she’d answer the phone laying in her bed. Nina loved sleeping naked. I text her "I’m fucked up" with an L.O.L at the end. I squinted at my phone, as I watched it say delivered, hoping she would text me back a picture with nothing on. She was my dawg, a cute little brown skinned piece of art. I used to spend a lot of time her with back in college. When I met her she was seeing someone, but my persistence caused her to choose up, and ride my wave. She was the flame I couldn’t put out. Always a good time, non stop jokes with even better sex. She accepted me for me, and that’s why I could never forget about her. It’s been six years since I seen her. She was the last girl to come see me before I left school, and went back home. Yeah, she was dope like that, thoughtful and sexy.

Nina had a man now, and that was the last thing I was worried about. Somebody new wasn't going come around, and tell me I couldn’t have what was mine first. I was willing to risk it all, for one more night with her, just to feel alive. She knew I needed more, Nina knew exactly what to say to make me go crazy. My life needed something better, and there was never one moment, she let me forget it. As soon as I left home, I sent her a good morning text, and if she replied I always called. If I could hear her voice before pulling into the drive way, I was satisfied. Nina was special, I wanted to see her in that sexy robe, she always had on, with that charming smile. Fucking her again was my motivation to travel.  All I needed was a weekend to break away from my life, just to get a taste of what I’ve been craving.

I planned a weekend in LA, where my boy Sean also stayed, so having a secret get away during his birthday weekend was effortless. The way she made me feel, made me want to come back often. The best part about her, is she’s also dates women. All I can picture when I think of her, is endless amounts of fun, which is how my life should have always been! On the road, doing what I love, and choosing any flavor I want. I know I can’t change the past, but I sure can live in the moment. As long as my tracks are covered, I can have as many secrets as I please. What Santi doesn’t know, won’t hurt her.