GRAPEFRUIT

He was everything I needed in that very instant to consider myself being saved. He swept me off my feet by simply being himself. He nurtured me at every given moment, and supported me through every moment my spirit needed a lift. The only problem was me; I was still damaged. I was insecure, and I let my pain from the last man fill me with poison, and somehow, I became the toxic one for him. I became the bitter sweet taste of grapefruit on a Sunday morning. As ashamed as I was, and as much as I tried to fix it, I suddenly became a monster that might lose the best thing that's ever happened to me, because I was damaged and insecure. I let my fear of the same hurt happening twice consume my thoughts and just like that, I started committing love crimes.  I was terrified of losing him, but always finding the best opportunity to push him away. I was and needed to be healed. Only I could do such. Only I could be ready to make that change. So, I decided to I needed to heal before I lost him forever; I needed to teach myself how to trust again. This journey wasn’t going to be easy but I knew I had to try.